Taking the Plunge

Day 68:  Taking the Plunge

Quotes from Simple Abundance: 365 Days to a Balanced and Joyful Life by Sarah Ban Breathnach

"Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have." --Doris Mortman, American novelist

"Simplicity gains importance in our lives as we begin to make peace with ourselves.  This is because we gradually come to the inner awareness that we don't need to gild the lily.  Some of the trappings can be relinquished because the Real Thing is finally ready to be revealed.  I call this point in the Simple Abundance process 'taking the plunge' because it involves a courageous leap of faith in the most intimate way:  exploring the way we express ourselves to the outside world through our personal appearance.  But this is much more than just how we dress or style our hair.  It's about the many subtle ways we choose either to celebrate or conceal our authenticity.  It's about finally acknowledging and accepting the woman within,  It's about learning to become comfortable with who we really are...The famed French feminist, writer, and philosopher Simone de Beauvoir (1908-1986) put it another way:  'One is not born a woman, one becomes one.'  This becoming takes time.  We need time to consider, time to reflect, time to make creative choices, time to emerge from the cocoon, time to clean out our closets, and time to clear away psychic cobwebs so that we might pare down to our essence.  Some of us have remained dormant for years--oblivious to our genuine beauty--drugged senseless by our own numbing disapproval, nagging doubts, and benign neglect...To undo the damage and reconnect with our authentic selves we need to take the plunge, confident that Spirit is hold the net."

For me, I was in my 40s when I took the first plunge she talks about.  It was when I went out in public without putting on mascara!  It didn't last even a year, though.  That's because there was an occasion for my photo to be taken and I didn't like what I saw. But still, I felt good that I did it at all.  Since that time I started wearing glasses full time.  One day I noticed how well they hid my eyes (along with the surrounding skin!) and stopped wearing mascara again.  Now I only wear it if there is an occasion I might end up in a photo.  I suspect I will have to get much older before my vanity totally becomes a non-issue.  It would be nice, though, if I could gain the confidence in who I am on the inside so that my appearance doesn't decide how I feel about myself.


Day 69:  A Radiant Reflection:  Projecting your Authentic Self

"So many women just don't know how great they really are.  They come to us all vogue outside and vague on the inside."  --Mary Kay Ash (1918-2001), American businesswoman and founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics., Inc.

"If truth were told, we'd all probably admit to feeling pretty vague about our personal appearance...Even when we don't consciously know how to pull together our outside packaging, there is someone who does.  As we become more intimate with this wonderful source of style, personal fashion know-how, and comfort, we will begin to awaken to our own radiance.  This source, our Authentic Self, is waiting to help us each evolve into the woman we were meant to be.  An easy way to let her begin is to gather different images of style influencers--women whom you admire...Always remember that dreams--your creative visualizations--must come before their physical manifestations....Create a collage mood board of your ideal woman:  Find the perfect hairstyle, put together a fantastic wardrobe for home and work....Pretend you're ten years old and playing with paper dolls...Does anything in your Illustrated Discovery collage resemble anything hanging in your closet?....Now make yourself a promise.  Since you have embarked on this adventure to awaken your authenticity and discover your own sense of style, be willing not to buy another item of clothing unless you absolutely cannot live without it.  No more settling for something that's not you or that's second-rate.  On the Simple Abundance path, you're going to discover the joy of surrounding yourself only with things you love, and the pleasure of wearing only clothes that make you look and feel fabulous and project your authentic sense of style....If it's not authentically you, live without it."

I spent some time on the Internet trying to find a photo of an outfit that I felt spoke my authentic self.  The above one is not at all the style I was searching for--the style I usually wear.  But it caught my attention.  I don't know if the above dress would look good on me.  For starters I don't have that waistline!  Or overall skinny look.  Or youth.  They say photographs add ten pounds to you, so you can imagine how fabulous that dress looks on that model in person!

I agree with Sarah when she says we shouldn't settle for something that's not us.  That is why I don't like clothes shopping.  I rarely find what I'm looking for or what looks good on me.  This is when I wish I was Amish and we could all wear the same style dress every day and it wouldn't matter if it looked good on us or not!  Since I'm not Amish I think I my guideline for choosing clothes should be to wear what makes me feel fabulous whether or not others think I look fabulous.


Day 70:  You Are Not Your Appearance, but Does the Rest of the World Know That?

"Probably you were taught, as I was, that how we present ourselves to the world is very important.  Unfortunately, our outside packaging counts for far more than it really should.  Often, when we don't live up to the world's expectations of how we should look or behave, we fall victim to a vicious circle of self-loathing and denial that can be difficult to escape from unscathed.  At times like these, it's a comfort to remember that our souls are more dazzling than our selfies.  'Beauty is an internal light, a spiritual radiance that all women have but most women hide, unconsciously, denying its existence.  What we do not claim remains invisible,' Marianne Williamson, the American spiritual teacher and best-selling author, observes in her beautiful meditation on power and femininity, A Woman's Worth:  Toward a more Enlightened Feminism.  But as you become more intimate with your Authentic Self--as you recover your true, incandescent identity--there will come a gradual but undeniable physical transformation.  It is absolutely impossible to commit to your spiritual growth, awaken to your own radiant Light and not have it reveal itself on the outside.  'It is God's will that we be beautiful, that we love and be loved and prosper in all good things,' Marianne Williamson reminds us."

One of the reasons the Amish dress alike is so they won't be tempted to compare their appearance to the other women in their community.  The fact that they do not allow photographs of themselves--another reason being Amish appeals to me--reveals much about their desire not to place importance on how they look.  They believe a photo is the same thing as a "graven image" that scripture speaks out against.  Real beauty comes from within and actually changes how you look.  If you've ever seen a truly happy person you know what I'm talking about.  I think this is why all young children are so beautiful.


Day 71:  Sending and Receiving Personal Signals

A 1948 Pond's advertisement

"Each of us transmits personal signals about our self-esteem every day in myriad ways....When we are feeling on top of the world there's a spring in our step, a smile on our face, and a sparkle in our eyes.  Then there are those occasions when, through lack of time, energy, or emotion, we become careless about our attire and our personal grooming.  We literally begin to care less--until it looks as though we don't care at all.  Of course, deep within, we care very much.  But there is an important reason why we should give a second thought to our personal appearance, even when we're alone:  the inner joy we experience when we look our best.  'Many women feel in their hearts that they have missed full self-realization,' an advertisement for Pond's Cold Cream in the March 1949 issue of Good Housekeeping advised readers.  'Yet they need not accept this--help is within themselves.  You can feel it within you--an inner drive for happiness. The close interrelation between this Inner You and this Outer You, the almost uncanny power of each to change the other--can change you from drabness to joyous self-fulfillment.'  When I first discovered this 'New Age' series of beauty advertisements from the late 1940s, I was amused--and then grateful.  For one of the most marvelous lessons you learn on a path of personal transformation is that when your heart is open to change, you're able to recognize the personal signals of encouragement your Authentic Self is constantly sending, no matter how unlikely the source."

Did you ever use Pond's Cold Cream.  I have, and I remember my grandmother slathering it all over her face every day.  She lived to be 103 and her skin looked much younger than 103 years old.  But back to Sarah's point in today's message.  It reminds me of the adage that if you put a smile on your face even though you don't feel like smiling, eventually you will.  It's why people used to dress up for work and church.  It made them feel more the "part."  It's why actors will tell you that once they are in costume their character becomes alive within them.  This is why we need to uncover our authentic self so we can dress for the part!  Discovering who she is will help us decide what we should wear and wearing it will help us become more our authentic selves.


Day 72:  How Do I Look?

"'How do I look?' is a question all of us have spent our lives asking others.  But now that you are on the path toward your authenticity you have reached the point when you need to gently ask yourself this loaded question.  And, once having asked, you need to listen carefully for the answer.  Better yet, when you gaze into the mirror you should ask 'how do you feel?' because how you feel about yourself on any particular day will influence how you look more than what you are wearing.  After years of concentrating on the glitz of the outside packaging, we need to change our approach to beauty completely.  Personal transformation begins with a strong inner life.  We need to let Spirit show us the way, whether it's changing our wardrobe, losing weight, or finding the right hairstyle.  Twenty minutes of meditation a day, quiet reflection, or a restorative walk seeking your Authentic Self will do more for your looks than you will believe.  But of course, you'll believe it when you see it."

This sounds like a very good idea....look in the mirror each morning and ask yourself, "How do I feel today?"  Not just how do I feel ABOUT myself, but HOW do I feel.  Happy?  Sad?  Angry?  Tired?  I think getting in touch with our feelings is something we only seem to do when they are heightened.  Mine sometimes sneak up on me because I wasn't paying attention to them.  And what feelings want most is to be paid attention to.  Sorta reminds me of my puppy.  If I don't pay him attention when he wants it, he has a way of getting it, but not in a cute way.  It's always something naughty!  Paying attention to your feelings gives you a chance to change them by changing your thoughts before they get out of hand.  And if they are happy feelings, you'll find a smile spreading across your face which will quickly become contagious to all you meet along the way.


Day 73:  Accepting Yourself as You Are Today

Victorian Lady Bodybuilder 1897

"Today, we make peace with the past:  with the bodies and faces we were born with and those that have evolved.  Today, we embrace the lines that stare back at us, the parts that sag in the middle or stick out where they shouldn't, the hair that never keeps a curl or never loses it.  We begin when we invoke the Tibetan poet, teacher, and earliest Tibetan poet, teacher, and earliest Buddhist sage Saratha's song of praise.  'Here in this body are the sacred rivers; here are the sun and moon as well as all the pilgrimage places...I have not encountered another temple as blissful as my own body.'  It will take a bit of doing, learning to love all our personal pilgrimage places.  However, before genuine love can flourish, we must finally accept ourselves exactly as we are today....Remember, acceptance is acknowledging the reality of a situation...We learn how to reveal to the world our unique radiance only after we acknowledge it ourselves.  Today, take as your personal mantra:  'I am what I am and what I am is wonderful.'"

If you are like me, you are afraid that if you accept yourself as you are, you'll become complacent and wont't try to change in the ways you feel you need/want to.  But I think that is an excuse I've been using.  I've come to realize that whenever acceptance is talked about, it is meant as a first step which means there is a second step.  Our bodies really are temples, as the Tibetan poet writes.  We should be very grateful for them, as flawed as they might be.  Being beautiful on the outside does not always bring happiness.  For one thing, some will be very jealous of you and will not want to be your friend.  Another thing, as you grow older it is not possible to sustain it unless your inner beauty has developed enough to break through.  Inner beauty is what we should all strive for because it will never grow old and saggy.  Our bodies are temporary.  Healthy is much better than beautiful which is subjective anyway.  Remember when voluptuous women were preferred to skinny ones?  So let your inner beauty regime be your focus while maintaining a healthy body in which to display your beautiful, wonderful self!


Day 74:  Loving Yourself into Wholeness

"Life batters us whether we are rich or poor, public or private.  The wound we suffer may be an open cut or a slow silent hemorrhage of the soul.  On the outside we may look as if we've got our act together, but each of us encounters those dark, stormy days when we feel very small, very fragile, and very frightened, as if we might shatter into a thousand pieces and break into heartrending sobs at something as simple as 'How are you?'  When this happens, we have to be kind to ourselves, not beat ourselves up....Our feelings are valid, our fears very real, even though they are probably not based on reality.  Always remember that the best description of fear is 'false evidence appearing real.'  False Evidence Appearing Real.  When these occasions occur in your life, recall that your first duty is to love yourself into Wholeness.  How to do this?   By pampering yourself with simple pleasures and small indulgences...What about saying no to the next request for you to do something?....You don't have to do everything and be everything for everyone else all the time.  If you think you can't possibly do one more thing without screaming or crying, you're probably right.  Start by saying, 'No, I'm sorry, I've got a prior commitment.'  For, of course, you do.  Today you need to be there for yourself.  Remember, we did not lose ourselves all at once.  But we recover our authentic selves one kind gesture at a time."

I recall vividly the day I stepped out of my comfort zone--no, more like fell out of it--because circumstances were overwhelming me.  I had to reach the friends who lived in the mid-west and flying to Florida by way of Baltimore so they could stop in to visit our critically ill son in the hospital whom they wanted to meet.  I had to catch them early that morning before they headed to the airport in order to ask them, flat out, not to come.  I'd initially agreed to their plan even though it would put an extra burden on us, but that morning when I woke up and saw the weather forecasting snow later in the day I knew it was just too much--picking them up at the airport mid-afternoon, visiting our son in the hospital who might not even be in his room because of tests, taking them out to supper during rush hour, then taking them to their hotel all during a snow storm.  It was very hard for me to pick up that phone to make that call at the last minute, but I did it.  I knew I couldn't have handled the additional stress.  I listened to my body and don't regret it at all.  I know now that it is OK to say no.  I don't have to put up a show of being strong and able to handle every situation just so people don't feel rejected or offended or annoyed.