Authenticity, Simplicity, and Coming Into Balance

Quotes from Simple Abundance: 365 Days to a Balanced and Joyful Life by Sarah Ban Breathnach

Day 80:  Inner Beauty, Outward Charm

"Simplicity plays a part in striking the right chord of self.  This occurs naturally as we begin to rethink how to put together our best look.  Our authentic look....Ironically, this desire to look our best comes after we have committed to our inner work.  As we go within, searching for spiritual growth, we begin to blossom on the outside.  Time well spent in meditation gives us more serenity, and it shows on our faces.  Learning to love ourselves exactly as we are gives us the motivation to move forward, whether in searching for a healthier way of eating or finding the right exercise regime....These are subtle changes that have a profound impact on how we feel about ourselves."

Sarah is so right about learning to love ourselves.  I didn't know what to say about Day 80 until I finished the rest of this post.   I  have clearer thinking as I write this now.....We will not be motivated to move forward to make any necessary changes in our lives if we don't first love ourselves.  It feels like too much work and besides we're hardly worth it.  Right?!  At least, that is what we tell ourselves.  So THAT is the first "stinkin' thinkin' we need to clear out of our heads.  That will be work in itself.  We must listen to women like Eleanor Roosevelt who was First Lady during one of the toughest times in our history (the Depression) "You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  That is the only way we are going to achieve our dreams of becoming authentically fulfilled with who we are capable of becoming.


Day 81:  Coming into Balance

"'All too often when we think of living in balance, we approach balance in the same frantic, rushing way that we approach the rest of our lives,' Anne Wilson Schael, author of Meditations for Living in Balance, reminds us....'If we are not careful, we will add balancing our lives as another task on our long lists of doing too much.'...This week is the vernal equinox, when light and darkness find equal balance in the natural world.  It's also a perfect time for us to consider how we can find more balance in the many aspects of our busy lives.  For most of us, doing too much feels normal.  In any twenty-four hour period, we're constantly pulled in a dozen different directions....which leaves little time for reflection, renewal, and recreation, the holy trinity of balance.  Let's start thinking of them as rites of passage to contentment....One of the more delightful ways to find balance is to realize that not everything that needs doing has to be done today."

Little did Sarah know when she wrote today's entry that we'd be in the midst of a pandemic requiring us to Stay at Home!  For those whose work is considered essential they will be busier than ever!  While others will be out of work and worried about paying their bills.  Finding balance may take awhile because their worries about the future will pull them in all sorts of directions.  The rest of us will find we have more time on our hands.  I fall into that category.  I already live a rather cloistered life, but one or two days a week have been devoted to visiting grandchildren during the past six years.  I actually need balance more than ever now.  I need to find something to occupy that extra time on my hands while I wait for my life to return to normal.  Otherwise, I find myself worrying about the rest of the world and what others are having to go through.  The only power I have is to lower my risk of needing a hospital bed and ventilator that could be used to save someone else.  In the meantime my garden will be the tidiest it has ever been.  That is the activity that best provides me a time of reflection, renewal, and recreation.


Day 82:  Why Self-Confidence Can't Be Bought but Can Be Borrowed

"I was thought to be 'stuck up.'  I wasn't.  I was just sure of myself.  This is and always has been an unforgivable quality to the unsure." --Bette Davis (1908-1989), American actress and Hollywood legend

"It would be wonderful if we could simply waltz up to a cosmetic counter and purchase a bottle of self-confidence the way we can buy 'revitalizing' or 'performance' creams for our faces.  Unfortunately, this spiritual elixir, like an expensive perfume, is different on every woman because of individual chemistry."

"When I was younger, my self-confidence potion was heavily scented with attitude, optimism, and faith; experience, knowledge, and wisdom had to come later.  But even today, every new opportunity or challenge requires that I prepare a special batch of moxie for myself.  I do this by becoming as thoroughly prepared as possible and by looking the part--wearing an outfit, for example, that exudes self-confidence even when it's hanging in the closet.  Next, I say my prayers and ask for the Power to be switched on.  Then it's 'showtime.'  I act as if I'm self-confident and the world takes me as such."

"When you're unsure of yourself but life requires you to be otherwise, it is comforting to remember that you can always borrow a self-confident attitude from your Authentic Self.  She knows how terrific you are and can give you that little boost, which is all you really need.  Our subconscious mind cannot distinguish between what's real and what's imaginary (which is why creative visualization works).  If we act as if we're confident, we become so.  At least for a little while."

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do,"  Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962), the longest-serving American first lady, once observed, and her life was spent proving the point.  When life challenges arise, you can surmount them by calling on Spirit and borrowing the scent of self-confidence from your Authentic Self."

I want to repeat what Sarah said above because it is so important:  "When you're unsure of yourself but life requires you to be otherwise, it is comforting to remember that you can always borrow a self-confident attitude from your Authentic Self.  She knows how terrific you are and can give you that little boost, which is all you really need.  Our subconscious mind cannot distinguish between what's real and what's imaginary (which is why creative visualization works).  If we act as if we're confident, we become so.  At least for a little while."  If you've ever woken up from a dream which felt so real to you it takes you awhile to realize it was only a dream, you've experienced what Sarah points out about the subconscious mind not being able to distinguish reality from the imaginary.  It is also why behaviorists will tell you to "act as if" to get you over a hurdle....until the behavior becomes second nature to you.  It's why Paul in the Bible tells us to think on things above, renew our minds, and believe what is true.  Our Authentic Self is the self God created us to be.  As Sarah points out, our Authentic Self knows how terrific we are.  Trust Her.


Day 83:  Always Be a First-Rate Version of Yourself

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."  --Judy Garland (1922-1969), American actress and legendary entertainer

"Whether we are consciously aware of it or not, we're constantly programmed by the world to be other women, not ourselves...I don't need another exhortation of trends, but I am seeking gentle encouragement, brief dollops of common sense, compassionate reminders, and comforting reassurances.  If Simple Abundance often reads like a six-hundred-page permission slip nudging you toward self-nurturance, that's because it is.  You must believe your happiness and well-being are not indulgent but a spiritual prime directive.  According to Webster's Dictionary, to be authentic is to be 'not imaginary, false or imitation.'  To be authentic is to be 'genuine, veritable, bona fide, being actually and precisely what is claimed.'  The only thing that we can genuinely claim to be is ourselves.  But our best is good enough....We are all so hard on ourselves.  We not only want to be other people; we want to be perfect versions of them."

Is this true for you?  I know it has been for me--not only wanting to be like certain people I admire either for their talent or their lifestyle, but wanting to be the perfect version of them.  I found this out the hard way when I actually got to meet one of those people and came away sadly disappointed.  She was not perfect as I'd imagined.  I'd been trying to live up to something that did not exist.  I have done this with other women as well that I've admired, only to read a biography that shoots down the image I have of them.  Now that those other women are out of the picture, maybe I will finally meet my  Authentic Self!  But I've just had a dreadful thought!  I have the feeling she isn't perfect.....


Day 84:  The Secret Saboteur:  When You're Feeling Blue

"After self-nurturance, listening to the whispers of our hearts is probably the hardest task we've ever attempted.  Some days the Simple Abundance path come naturally.  You realize that all you have is all you truly need.  Other days, it's impossible to quiet down the wants.  It seems as if you have too many unfulfilled desires and delayed dreams.  You're sick and tired of waiting for inner changes to manifest themselves on the outside....I wish I could tell you that spiritual and creative growth was smooth, predictable, and without pain...Personal growth also comes in spasms:  three steps forward, two steps back, and then a long plateau when it seems as though nothing is happening.  But it's important to realize that this dormant period always seems to precede a growth spurt.  Unfortunately, during the dormant period we very often become depressed and decide to give up....When dark clouds hover, what should you do besides hold on and ride out the storm?  You have two choices.  One is simply to give in, stop resisting.  You've got the blues, so sing them, baby.  But before you do, ask for grace....The alternative blues-kicker is to shift gears.  Ask for Grace.  Call a good friend and talk...Smile at yourself in the mirror...Take a walk around the block and clear your head...No matter which route you take, within twenty-four hours another day will begin.  Tomorrow should be better....Dark days come to all of us.  Yet discouraging days bring with them golden opportunities when we can learn to be kind to ourselves.  Believe it or not, today offers you a hidden gift, if you're willing to search for it."

I was in need of this--Sarah's encouragement to ask for Grace.  Grace to accept myself as I am--not perfect.  To be kind to myself.  Usually if I get down, going out into my garden or taking a walk in our woods helps me regain my perspective.


Day 85:  Real Life:  Clothes That Fit Your Lifestyle

Screen shot from Twitter

"Sometimes clothes hang around season after season, phantoms waiting for some unforeseen occasion in the future that never comes.  Spring is the perfect time to take stock of our wardrobes and reconsider our relationship to clothes....Let's shed our outmoded attitudes about what's fashionable and replace them with new ideas about what works for us in our real lives and truly reflects our authenticity.  What if everything hanging in your closet was something you loved--something that made you look beautiful or made you feel wonderful when you put it on?  Think of how good you would feel every day.  Embracing the second Simple Abundance Grace of Simplicity can spiritually induce such a miracle.  Later you'll clean out your closets and dresser drawers, but not today.  Today, I only want you to consider your real life and the clothes you wear every day.  Do they really reflect the woman within?"

I've been reading on Twitter that people are working from home in their pajamas during this Stay at Home time.  That's why the above photo struck me as hilarious.  In a way, women are finding out, without meaning to, what reflects the woman within.  I quit wearing slacks/jeans in public more than 25 years ago for two reasons.  The first was I don't look good in baggy slacks and tight pants are too provocative--it was not an image I wanted to portray when I was younger.  I can't use the latter as a reason at my age now.  The second reason was, tight pants are not comfortable!  But now they make them in spandex.  A skirt allows more freedom and are cooler, in the summer, but can be awkward when playing on the floor with grandchildren.  But skirts make me look more feminine.  I have to admit, though, now that I'm not going out I'm wearing baggy corduroy slacks--warm and comfortable.  The same pair every day since it's the only pair I have!  Unless I don't bother to change out of the yoga pants I exercise in, that is.  Once this is all over (the Stay at Home part) and the clothing stores open for business it will be interesting to see who wins--the woman within or the woman who wants others to see her as she wants to be seen.


Day 86:  The Unspoken Language of Authenticity

"Most of us do not think we're carrying on a conversation with our psyches, our families, and the outside world when we get dressed in the morning, but we are.  Alison Lurie, American Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist, tells us in her fascinating book The Language of Clothes that the vocabulary of our wardrobe conveys much more than we ever dreamed possible.  'Long before I am near enough to talk to you on the street, in a meeting, or at a party, you announce your sex, age and class to me through what you are wearing--and very possibly give me important information (or misinformation) as to your occupation origin, personality, opinions, tastes, sexual desires and current mood.  I may not be able to put what I observe into words, but I register the information unconsciously; and you simultaneously do the same for me.  By the time we meet and converse we have already spoken to each other in an older and more universal tongue.'  After you begin searching for your Authentic Self, one of your more startling insights will occur when you discover that for years another woman has been carrying on conversations for you...At first this revelation can be disconcerting, even discouraging.  But on reflection, it can be an exciting discovery, because now that you're beginning to cherish and channel your authenticity through creative choices, you can learn how to become not only bilingual but fluent in expressing yourself.  As the famous French fashion designer Gabrielle 'Coco' Chanel confessed, 'How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.'"

This is where I get confused.  I've already admitted one of the reasons I wear skirts is because I want to be seen as feminine.  I don't feel feminine in baggy slacks, but they're comfortable.  The woman within may have to find a compromise.  I wonder if culottes will ever come back?


Day 87:  Never Fall for Fashion, Always Be in Style

"Fashion is a cult; style is a philosophy.  Fashion mocks individuality; style celebrates it.....Style is high-spirited and generous, given to touting your best features for all the world to see.  Fashion is a provocateur; style prefers to soothe.  Fashion is self-congratulatory; style waits for the inevitable compliments...Style is steadfast and waits for every woman's awakening, because authentic style is born of Spirit."

I hope the 70s and 80s never come back!  Between short-short skirts and granny dresses dressing was a nightmare!  And lately the designs on fabrics have been hideous.  Some of my skirts are wearing thin because I can't find fabric designs that are appealing.  No wonder so many women where jeans anymore.  They don't have anything that expresses their true style.  But how do we get it if we don't sew our own clothes?  And don't have a celebrity's clothes budget?


Day 88:  Clearing:  Parting with Fashion Mistakes

"It's never too late--in fiction or in life--to revise." --Nancy Thayer, American novelist

"Revising your wardrobe to reflect your authenticity begins when you ruthlessly part with the fashion mistakes and mismatches that crowd your closets and confuse your cluttered mind....A change of seasons provides the perfect opportunity to get to work because it's time to pack away winter clothes and bring out spring and summer ones.  With a plan of attack, you can also clear away the past."

"Make sure you gather enough boxes and large plastic garbage bags ahead of time so that after you begin, your energy won't be scattered by constantly having to leave the room to find more containers.  Play some delightful music;...Take a deep breath.  Now start by taking everything out of your closet and putting it on the bed.  There, it's too late to turn back now."

"Go through your wardrobe, item by item.  Try things on if you're not sure and look at yourself in a full-length mirror honestly but with compassion...Keep only those things you love--things that make you look beautiful or feel fabulous....Save only one size smaller than you're wearing now, because getting back into it is a realistic goal and something to work toward.  Consider the various real lives you lead and the clothes you need for them:  work, dress-up, and comfort.  If you haven't worn something in a year, why not?  Be willing to part with it, even if it was expensive.  Don't save it unless it has tremendous sentimental value...If you have room to pack away sentimental favorites, then do so.  If you don't, be willing to pass them on to someone else who will  love them as much as you once did.  Now take the plunge and give away the rest to those who will bless your generosity.  In return, you'll experience a sense of grateful abundance when you realize how much you can give away....A very therapeutic way of dealing with your expensive discards is donating them to organizations like Dress for Success, which helps women entering the job market with clothes in order to go on interviews.....Clearing our closets of past incarnations provides the space and freedom for us to choose clothing in the future that authentically reflects the women we are becoming."

I haven't done this yet.  I know that until I figure out what the woman within really wants I'm afraid I'll get rid of something she wants to keep.  I know her well enough that you don't do that and keep the peace!  But perhaps I should make a box labeled "save just in case I change my mind."  I've been good about decluttering other areas of my house and have some room in the attic for at least one large box.


Day 89:  Comfort Clothes and What They Mean

Culottes!

"Most women feel passionately about their comfort clothes....I'm convinced that we are our own best selves in comfort clothes....Unfortunately, comfort clothes exist for most of us only as a footnote to our lives....This week play detective.  Examine closely the items in your wardrobe you reach for when in need of comfort.  Look for clues to help you bring more comfort into your life.  What fabrics feel good against your skin??....What size are you really comfortable in?....It has been my experience that comfort clothes are usually our true size, or even a tad loose....Expand the comfort concept to how you care for your wardrobe...Now see if you can't find clothing that matches your personal preferences and be willing to wait until you do....The Simple Abundance path encourages us to be patient until we find what's perfect for us, rather than continue to waste our money, energy, and emotion settling for second-best or second-rate."

Oh dear.  We're back to comfort are we?  My husband may not want to be seen with me in public!  What I haven't confessed yet is my need for comfort over style when it comes to shoes.  My maryjane Crocs are my go-to shoe for every occasion except for dress-up and my fleece-lined duck shoes for rainy days.  I wonder how they'd look with that culottes outfit I found (above).


Day 90:  Developing a Sense of Style

"Celebrating your authentic style through the clothes you wear is an art form.  But like any of the arts, a sense of style is one that needs to be nurtured after it is initially divined and devised.  Style begins when you seek and discover your strengths, then bank on them for all they're worth.  Personal style flourishes when you realize that you really don't need as much clothing accessories, jewelry, or makeup as you once thought you did because you've got attitude."  

"Remind yourself today that you are an artist.  In searching for your authenticity, you will uncover your own signature look.  It may be the great way you wear hats, highlight stunning eyes with smoky gray kohl, showcase a chic short cut with fabulous earrings, show off gorgeous slender legs with sheer stockings and elegant pumps, or have enough pluck to pair a white cotton T-shirt with a tailored wool jacket."

"This year, be willing to experiment with a sense of adventure, to find out what works for you and what doesn't.  Then stick with what works, no matter wha everybody else is wearing."

I like that Sarah is giving me a year to find out what works for me and what doesn't.  It seems I may have the better part of the year to Stay at Home and try on all the clothes in my closet to see if I love them or not.  Perhaps I should just wear a new outfit every day and if I didn't love wearing it all day long, out it goes!

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What about you?  Did you have any revelations from this week's inspirations from Sarah?  Are you going to cull your closet now?  How are you spending your Stay at Home time?

I want to conclude with a link to Shannon Ables' post on The Simply Luxurious Life blog about how she is handling this Stay at Home time.