Excavating the Real You

Day 56:  Excavating the Real You, Part I

My dream cabin

Quotes from Simple Abundance: 365 Days to a Balanced and Joyful Life by Sarah Ban Breathnach

"Excavating is not glamorous work on an archaeological dig....Tons of dirt must be removed carefully from the site if the search to uncover treasures from the past is to be successful....We must dig patiently to excavate our real selves....And for what are we searching?  Shards of our authentic style." 

"For centuries women have displayed their innate sense of style to the world through choice:  in their personal appearance, in the way they decorated their homes, in how they entertained, in their work, and in the pursuit of their personal passions.  The more we learn about ourselves and our preferences, the easier it is to make these choices....Choice confers freedom--the freedom to embrace the new because it speaks to your soul and you are listening.  Today be willing to consider the choices you have made in the past as you trace your life.  Have they been the right ones for you?  Do you make choices with your heart, mind, or gut?...Was there something you did not choose in the past that, with hindsight, you now wish you had?  Perhaps a long-buried dream still calls to you from a road you chose not to take.  If this is true, then stop telling yourself that it's too late.  The delay of our dreams does not mean that they have been denied.  Perhaps now you have the wisdom to make alterations in your dream so that is can come true.  Perhaps now you have the wisdom to choose differently."

A lot has transpired since I first read this entry on February 26th.  Today as I reread what I highlighted so I could share it with you in this post I realized I've learned a lot about myself this past week.  I've changed the reason I want to move.  When the idea of moving first presented itself last October it was because my neighbor was going to sell the cabin I've loved for 20 years.  Then that fell through because the appraisal was much higher than we thought it would be.  Since then I've imagined myself living elsewhere in various scenarios.  Now I am back to staying put, but my neighbor's moving out on Tuesday has unsettled everything again for me.  She is really gone and the cabin really belongs to someone else now.  I'm not unsettled, however, in knowing what I really want, just on how to get it.  What I've wanted all along is to keep my house and have the cabin as my "creative retreat."  I've known this all along, but the financial reality of it has been the sticking point and still is.  Sarah is reminding me that, "The delay of our dreams does not mean they have been denied."  She suggests that making alterations to our dream can make them come true or we might have the wisdom now to choose a different dream.  So this is what I did.  I changed my dream which requires me to move in order to fulfill it.  I have a specific neighborhood in mind, in fact, but no property is for sale right now that would keep me from having regrets if I left where I live now.

But what if.....what if my original dream could still come true as I've imagined it?  And what if the perfect house comes on the market which would fulfill my new dream?  But, what if neither happens?  Since both my dreams are dependent on circumstances I have no control over, it seems it would be wiser to discover what I am searching for through each of my dreams and set about making that happen where I am with what I have....just in case circumstances change.


Day 57:  Excavating the Real You, Part II

Our Homestead

"My memory is certainly in my hands.  I can remember things only if I have a pencil and I write with it and I can play with it.  I think your hand concentrates for you.  I don't know why it should be so."  --Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings (1896-1953)

"The excavation process expands your sense of the possible because it provides you with inner knowledge.  Now you'll be using your pen to dig with.  Let's return to the home of your childhood....Take a walk through the rooms and see them once again....Where did you go on vacation?....Now fast-forward to your teenage years....Let's move ahead to when you set up your first home....Where was it?...Are you still living with some of your early decorating choices?....You have excavated some more chips to place into your authentic mosaic.  'Minor things can become moments of great revelation when encountered for the first time,' the great English prima ballerina Dame Margot Fonteyn (1919-1991) observed....Lovingly pick one pleasant recollection and think about it today.  Maybe even write about it in your Gratitude Journal or commemorate it in pictures in your Illustrated Discovery Journal."

I did this exercise when I wrote my childhood memoir, as I mentioned in my last post.  Because I moved so much as a child, it was important for me to put down roots for my children.  We've lived in this house for almost 39 years and bought it with it being a "homestead" in mind.  Our sons, however, do not treat it as a homestead.  They have their own lives and have moved on and no longer consider this home.   I realized this week, if I am to stay here I must quit thinking of it as a  homestead.  My reason for staying here has to be because I have no desire to live elsewhere.  Looking on-line at houses for sale has been helpful.  It's like armchair traveling.  Armchair traveling might just peak my desire to visit a place.  Armchair house hunting might just peak my desire to move.  I think this is a good way to excavate my deep desires and see how the pieces fit into the dreams I hold for myself.


Day 58:  Passion:  The Authentic Muse

"What we don't realize is that passion is the muse of authenticity.  It's the primordial, pulsating energy that infuses all of life, the numinous presence made known with every beat of our hearts.....Passion's nature is also cloaked in the deep, subtle, quiet, and committed:  nursing a baby, planting a rose garden, preparing a special meal caring for a loved one who is ill, remembering a friend's birthday, persevering in a dream.  Encouraging a child to not give up her dream.  Every day offers us another chance to live passionate lives rather than passive ones, if we will bear witness to passion's immutable presence in the prosaic...Passion is holy--a profound Mystery that transcends and transforms through rapture.  We need to accept that a sacred fire burns within, whether we're comfortable with this truth or not.  Passion is part of Real Life's package because we were created by Love, for Love, to Love.  If we do not give outward expression to our passions, we will experience self-immolation--the spontaneous combustion of our souls....Dorothy L. Sayers, the deeply spiritual Christian writer, as well as mystery author, believed, "The only sin passion can commit is to be joyless."

I totally agree with Sarah's beliefs about passion.  It is what fuels my dreams, otherwise I wouldn't have the energy necessary to go after them.  What Sarah is showing me is I need to become passionate about my everyday moments.  I need to take joy in the little things without fail.  I don't know about you, but I far too easily take things for granted after a while.  It would make a huge difference in my life if I could wake each day with a "new eye" for everything around me.  A friend just this week sent me this poem which expresses this for me:

Small Kindnesses
BY DANUSHA LAMÉRIS

I’ve been thinking about the way, when you walk
down a crowded aisle, people pull in their legs
to let you by. Or how strangers still say “bless you”
when someone sneezes, a leftover
from the Bubonic plague. “Don’t die,” we are saying.
And sometimes, when you spill lemons
from your grocery bag, someone else will help you
pick them up. Mostly, we don’t want to harm each other.
We want to be handed our cup of coffee hot,
and to say thank you to the person handing it. To smile
at them and for them to smile back. For the waitress
to call us honey when she sets down the bowl of clam chowder,
and for the driver in the red pick-up truck to let us pass.
We have so little of each other, now. So far
from tribe and fire. Only these brief moments of exchange.
What if they are the true dwelling of the holy, these
fleeting temples we make together when we say, “Here,
have my seat,” “Go ahead—you first,” “I like your hat.”

Day 59:  Do Try This at Home:  Vital Records

"Since just the idea of having to evacuate your home is overwhelming we're going to keep this low intensity....We'll be adding things to the Caution Closet as the year goes along, but for now, the first file will be a collection of our vital records.....

Birth certificate or adoption decrees
Marriage license; divorce papers, if any
Wills
Banking information
Any powers of attorney, legal and medical
Insurance papers:  life, home, and auto
Deeds or leases
Copies of credit cards
Auto registration and car documents
Social Security cards and papers
Passports, visas, green cards
Income tax files for the last three years
Medical records

Once you have assembled your documents, take photos...Save all the photos in one folder on your computer for easy access or upload them directly to a thumb drive or the digital storage service of your choice."

Earlier Sarah explained that once a month she would do a reflection on keeping a Caution Closet.  She feels if you have peace of mind about these sorts of things, it will help simply your life.  It's a good idea because you never know with all the weather disasters of late when you might be put in such a situation when evacuating your house is necessary.  Everyone should have a fire escape plan at the very least, and knowing that you could grab a folder or hard drive quickly on your way out the door could alleviate a lot of stress after the fact as well.  She suggests storing copies in a backpack near the door you'd use to leave the house in an emergency.


Day 60:  Now That I've Gotten Your Attention

Setting sail

"Sometime in your life you will go on a journey.  It will be the longest journey you have ever taken.  It is the journey to find yourself."  --Kate Sharp, American independent filmmaker

"For nearly two months we have contemplated the inner journey to authenticity together.  Hopefully you've started to let Gratitude till the soil of your soul, preparing it for the seeds of Simple Abundance:  finding the sacred in the ordinary, realizing that all you have is all you need, and welcoming choice as a creative energy booster....Then again, maybe you haven't....I know how easy it is to find heartfelt excuses for why you can't begin something new even if you yearn to, desperately.  I know how easily the word tomorrow slips out unconsciously.  Tomorrow you'll begin.  Tomorrow....But what I know most of all is that reading about a journey is not the same thing as taking one."

"Now that I've gotten your attention, let me tell you about the rest of the year.  Each day from now on we're going to use the daily grist of our real lives as a cause for celebration....I have learned many lessons on the Simple Abundance path.  Chief among them is that the details of our days do make a difference in our lives, that no experience is ever just for drill, and that everything can be a springboard for inspiration if we are willing to be open to the goodness of life."

"How many times in the past have we chosen not to change our lives for the better simply by not choosing?  Today, make a choice.....you know what you need to do today, not tomorrow.  Take another look at your life.  Give thanks.  Show up for each day's reflection.  Be willing to give the basic tools (of Simple Abundance) a fair chance...."

"One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time, " the French author and 1947 Nobel laureate for literature André Gide reassures us.  Set the sails.  Pull anchor.  Cast away.  Feel the wind at your back.  Keep your eyes on the horizon."

"Or stay on shore. But choose."

Today's reflection is how my new dream was born--the alternative to staying put.  It helped me narrow down the area to which I'd move.  Now we will just keep checking Zillow to see if that "dream house" comes on the market.

And if it never does, I will know I am to stay put.  After all, for my original dream to come true I'd have to still be here.

I would love to hear about your dreams and how you are going about achieving them.